Dodgers: the Handshake

When Jason Isringhausen struck out Alex Cora and the Division Series was over, the Dodgers players, in a rarely seen display of class and sportsmanship, poured onto the field to congratulate their opponents.

Thanks to the skills of our lip-reading specialists, we can now bring you an inside scoop on what was in fact being confabulated in this confluence. For legal purposes, we have to acknowledge that some of the information presented here was collected through high-sensitivity bugs carefully implanted on several insect species inhabiting the Busch Stadium infield. All carrier bugs gave the written permission to use their abdominal cuticles for non-commercial espionage purposes as long as due credit is given. Which now it is.

So.

In the upper left corner we see Matt Morris explaining to Eric Gagne the principles of the Vedic philosophy, in which the creation of the world is at times conceived in nonfigurative terms; and although it often starts from highly abstract ideas, the dominating image is that of a cosmic giant who initiates the primordial sacrifice, giving rise to structural elements of the Universe. Eric Gagne in turn opines that in his experience, the best way how to get ketchup out of the bottle is to turn it upside down and lightly pat on its bottom. Just besides the two, Reggie Sanders curses heavily as he has just gotten word that he was bumped out of the class on history of stained glass. On the other hand, exuberant Julian Tavarez standing nearby blurts out that his wife has just switched to Geico. Edgar Renteria is asking Adrian Beltre what is his favorite armored vehicle design, and just to their right John Mabry is complaining to Jayson Werth that his cousin in law spends too much time at home pondering whether can you tell that a polar bear turned pale. Cesar Izturis is swapping home-made recipes for kippered beef steak with Woody Williams and Marlon Anderson in the far right corner is asking Alex Cora where he can get an inexpensive used Ferrari with a built in ping-pong table and a passenger side corkscrew. Preferably under 50 Grand. Finally, just behind them Albert Pujols and Jose Lima are arguing vehemently about the proper use of a salad fork.

Well, what a gentlemanly evening!

One can only wish that every playoff series was followed by a debate on curveball ballistics and a friendly tournament in New York Times cross-word puzzle. What a pleasure it would be to see Managers catapulting multi-syllabic words into the air during the heated moments, and then gesticulating wildly like incensed thespians, champing impatiently their rhetorical bits and who knows, should the emotions spurt high, maybe even tossing a couple of Barnes&Noble gift cards at each other. All in good spirit.

2004  Jan Rehacek

 

 

The Book of Cardinals 2004

Part III.

Inning: 2

Hydepark for all. (Game 4)


AP Photo/Chris Carlson

Prologue

Part I. Namesakes
1. Cardinal Stritch University
2. Cardinal, Virginia
3. Cardinal Systems
4. Vatican Cardinals
5. Tantoo Cardinal
6. Arizona Cardinals
7. Cardinal Numbers
8. Cardinal Bar
9. Cardinal Fish

Part II. 7th Inning Stretch of Imagination
1. What's In A Name?
2. Nine Amendments For Extreme Motorists
3. Better Butter For Bitter Batter
4. Infield Fly Rule For Dummies
5. How To Wash Red Socks Properly
6. My Kingdom For A Pitcher!
7. East St Louis Vacations Inc
8. Are You A Cardinals Fan?
9. Banbury Cross

Part III. Three Dreams
1. Dodgers: The Robbery
2. Dodgers: The Handshake
3. Dodgers: The Shower
4. Astros: The Flight
5. Astros: The Homer
6. Astros: The Ritual
7. Red Sox: The Comedy
8. Red Sox: The Drama
9. Red Sox: The Heartbreak

Epilogue