The Book of Cardinals 2004

by Jan Rehacek


Part I. Namesakes
1. Cardinal Stritch University
2. Cardinal, Virginia
3. Cardinal Systems
4. Vatican Cardinals
5. Tantoo Cardinal
6. Arizona Cardinals
7. Cardinal Numbers
8. Cardinal Bar
9. Cardinal Fish

Part II. 7th Inning Stretch of Imagination
1. What's In A Name?
2. Nine Amendments For Extreme Motorists
3. Better Butter For Bitter Batter
4. Infield Fly Rule For Dummies
5. How To Wash Red Socks Properly
6. My Kingdom For A Pitcher!
7. East St Louis Vacations Inc
8. Are You A Cardinals Fan?
9. Banbury Cross

Part III. Three Dreams
1. Dodgers: The Robbery
2. Dodgers: The Handshake
3. Dodgers: The Shower
4. Astros: The Flight
5. Astros: The Homer
6. Astros: The Ritual
7. Red Sox: The Comedy
8. Red Sox: The Drama
9. Red Sox: The Heartbreak


Since I wrote this text more than a year ago, some of the original sources of photos disappeared from the cyberspace. I was able to trace authors of photographs in Part III., but many other photos remain anonymous (particularly in Part II). If you know the original photographers, please, let me know so I could credit them or replace the photos.

All comments, questions, corrections and suggestions should be sent to the address below:
(if you are trying to click that image, you are wasting your time)

Written: November 2004
Modified for web: August 2005

© 2005  Jan Rehacek


This is a series of short texts, mostly spoofs, about the St Louis Cardinals, about baseball and about life in general. All texts are purely fictional and their ties with reality are loose at best. They are not meant to be grounds for legal, medical or financial advice. And they were certainly not written to provide an erudite commentary after a great season. After all, you can always purchase an expertly opinion at the newsstand.

Actually, I don't think they were written at all. I just kind of found them buried in my memory one October evening, during the Astros Series. First just a few of them, but as I started digging them out and dusting them off I realized that there is more and more and by the time the NLCS series ended, the contours of all the twenty seven pieces were clearly visible in the upturned soil. And I remember distinctly I did not put them there. Nor was I too keen on writing a text about a sport that I barely understood in a language that I barely spoke, but I did cough them up as I felt that I could use all that extra space in my memory for remembering where I put my glasses after I come back from the shower. So if I were to describe how this book came to be, I'd say it was excavated from my mind with a tireless keyboard and about 5 gallons of cranberry juice.

My sincere thanks to Ambreen, Arthur and Robert for their help with the text. I am also very grateful to Diana for revealing to me many facts about baseball and the St Louis Cardinals.